Wednesday, July 27, 2005


I haven't had time to write here since my vacation. I will update about that, but what is weighing heavily on my mind right now is that we are probably going to have to put my dear Jasper kitty to sleep today. He is only 6, but he's been getting urinary blockages & they haven't been able to clear this one. We noticed him licking himself a lot the night before last & wondered if he had another blockage. But, the vet was closed & we weren't sure. In the morning yesterday, it was clear that he was again blocked & in a lot of pain. He looked quite swollen & was making horrible sounds & his body would convulse.

So, I took him in as soon as the clinic opened. I went back home & waited for the vet to call. She did, around six, with the news that she had been unable to get him fully drained & that the prognosis was poor. She wanted to keep him overnight, on anti-inflammatories, and try again in the morning. This morning's attempt was no more successful & there's not a whole lot they can do for him. They have offered to have another doctor try, but I trust the ability of the two who have already worked on him. I think that if he could be cleared, they could have done it. They said his situation is pretty hopeless. They did say there's a surgery that might help him, but that chances were not great. It's very expensive & the recovery period is very long. I hate being in the position to have to make this kind of decision. If they sounded like the surgery was not simply a long shot, I would want to try it, to keep my baby boy alive. But, they didn't sound at all confident that it would even help. Frankly, if I am honest with myself, it's not fair to him to put him through all that just because I want him with me longer. I love him so much, but it sounds like there's just not a lot of hope. Shit, I hate this.

Worse, the boys are coming home tonight to spend a long weekend with us. Great welcome, "Hi, guys! Great to see you. Jasper is dead." They are not going to take this AT ALL well. I think of how bereft they were when Myrtle died & Jasper has a much stronger claim on their emotions. CRAP!

I am exhausted by all this.

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